The Pursuit of Happiness

Today, March 20th , is not only the first official day of Spring, but it’s also been named as the International Day of Happiness. Choosing a day to mark the change of seasons can’t determine whether the weather itself will reflect the new season. In the same way, a day marked to recognize happiness won’t determine whether you actually FEEL happy or not. Happiness is one of those things, in my opinion, that’s kind of hard to wrap your arms around. It’s very subjective, which means that what signifies happiness to one person may not look the same for another, depending on what’s going on in their worlds at a given time. The American Psychological Association defines happiness as “an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being.” Despite being “difficult” to nail down to one specific definition, many people make happiness an end goal, if not THE end goal, in their lives. I hear people so often say “I just want to be happy.” They start and end relationships, chase money, jobs and all the things in the pursuit of “happiness.” Happiness, of course, has its benefits. It’s among the positive emotions that makes life more pleasant and makes our earthly experience just feel good; and that’s what we all want, isn’t it? To FEEL good???

“Happiness” as a Help

• According to research… happiness can actually improve other aspects of our lives. The following are some of the good things that research has linked to happiness.
• Happiness is good for our health: Happier people are less likely to get sick, and they live longer.
• Happiness is associated with more satisfying romantic relationships as well as stronger friendships.
• Happier people make more money and are more productive at work.
• Happier people are more generous.
• Happier people cope better with stress and trauma.
• Happier people are more creative and are better able to see the big picture.

There is no doubt that happiness gives us the fuel we need to move successfully through life and empowers us to live longer, stronger, better and fuller. I think, however, that chasing happiness as the ultimate goal can be a dangerous trap.

Joy AND Pain

My sons are both well on their way to young adulthood at this point but there was a movie a few years back that we fell in love with called “Inside Out.” It was an animated film that brilliantly captured the significance of making space for a wide range of emotions to help us navigate life and the ups and downs that come with it. The main character was Joy and she was the embodiment of that emotion. Her sole purpose was to make sure that the little girl (Rylie) whose emotions she was a part of was happy. The little girl’s family had relocated and moved her away from everything that was familiar to her so of course she would experience some “negative” emotions as a result. Sadness was another character who leaned ALL the way into that emotion. She moped, dragged, fell out on the floor and did all the things to let us all know what she represented. LOL Joy worked overtime to win Sadness over until she realized that Rylie needed to feel ALL of her emotions, her parents as well, so she could go through the transition and learn to adjust into her new environment. Once the whole family was able to embrace and address Rylie’s sadness, she was able to experience joy again. That was the brilliant, beautiful and oh-so-important
message!

The End Game

Happiness as an end goal can be an elusive moving target. Instead of chasing the feeling of being happy, I want to first suggest that you identify the specific thing you need that will CONTRIBUTE to the feeling of happiness. For example, many (women especially!) want badly to get married because they think being married will make them happy. Or people pursue jobs/careers, status or power because they think those things will make them happy, only to achieve them and find that happiness doesn’t automatically come as part of the package. What all of us need to determine is our foundational need. Is it really a sense of purpose that you want to feel? Or knowing that you’ve made an impact, or the sense of value that comes with being recognized for what you bring to any given situation? Maybe acceptance or a feeling of belonging is what you need. To be seen, loved and embraced just for who you are. That is what creates a safe space that allows you to experience all of what life brings, a range of emotions included, knowing that there is a soft place to fall and from which to recover if and/or when you do.

So on this International Day of Happiness, I don’t wish you happiness but instead I wish you the courage and commitment to do the work that helps you define what happiness really means to and for you. I wish you authenticity, love and a true sense of belonging that results in real contentment despite whatever circumstances that life brings you. Maybe happiness then won’t be so elusive when you discover that you have found so much more.

To help you in your journey, I encourage you to follow this link to a happiness calendar that will help you to focus on ways to enrich your life and increase the presence of positive emotion: HAPPINESS_CALENDAR.